:lle - November 28, 2012 Page 7
After watching just a few min-
utes of "Finding Bigfoot," I've
learned one thing - this show is deft,
nitely on the wrong channel. Instead
of Animal Planet, it should be on
Comedy Central.
Notice the title is "Finding Big-
foot," not "Searching for Bigfoot."
Anyone can search for anything, but
finding it is something entirely dif-
ferent. On that note, instead of Find-
ing Bigfoot (BF), perhaps the show
should be titled Finding BS.
The show is definitely light on
the science and heavy on the enter-
tainment. It must have some follow-
ers though, since the show is in its
third season and filming is under
way for Season 4.
So the question is - Does Big-
foot exist? So far, this show is bat-
ting zero.
You would think if this elusive
creature exists, that one would have
shown up by now, dead or alive.
After all, people have covered just
about every square inch of land in
the Pacific Northwest, let alone the
rest of the country, whether hunting,
trapping, hiking, camping, logging,
mining, exploring or creating illicit
whisky (which, by the way, is an en-
tirely different show on Discovery
Channel - "Moonshiners").
However, there are many be-
lievers out there, including at least
three of the four stars of the series
"Finding Bigfoot."
Matt Moneymaker is the presi-
dent and founder of the Bigfoot Field
Researchers Organization (BFRO).
Allegedly, his first close encoun-
ter with a Bigfoot occurred during
an overnight stakeout in a swampy
wildlife refuge in Ohio in 1994. And,
by the way, tha.t's his real last name.
His father is the prominent Los An-
geles bankruptcy attorney Richard
Moneymaker. Who wouldn't want
to be represented by Rich Money-
maker?
• Cliff Barackman, a former
member of BFRO (did he get kicked
out?), is known for his data collection
and interest in physical evidence. On
his first expedition to Bluff Creek,
Calif. in 1994, he said he found pos-
sible Bigfoot footprints, as well as
"tree damage evidence and a pos-
sible hair sample." (So what were
the DNA test results for this hair?)
He also claims to have one of the
largest footprint cast collections in
the country.
And then there's James "Bobo"
Fay. He claims to have seen his first
Sasquatch, or "Squatch," as he likes
to call it (or Bobo, as I like to call
it), in 2001 and has since "glimpsed
Bigfoots on a few other occasions."
I'm not sure what the difference is
between seeing and glimpsing When
it comes to Bigfoots. And shouldn't
it be Bigfeet? Bigfoots just doesn't
sound right for some reason.
Bobo often poses as Bigfoot
for re-creations of photos, due to his
height and size. He's also known for
his loud Bigfoot calls, even when
he's not trying to imitate the crea-
ture.
The final member of the team
is Ranae Holland, the "skeptical sci-
entist" who questions eVery poten-
tial sighting and piece of evidence.
Of course she's always overruled
Scott Staats
by her three male co-hosts and the
team concludes that every noise in
the night is a real Bigfoot answering
their calls.
These shows are boiler plate -
conduct a town meeting and get half
the community to admit on national
TV that they've seen or heard a Big-
foot, interview these people, go out
on the ground in the daylight and
look for evidence (which doesn't
exist), go out on the ground at night
and howl, scream, yodel, sing, snort,
grunt, or make any other loud bodily
function in order to get a Squatch to
reply.
Sometimes they believe they
hear a response and one will say,
"That was a Squatch." And since
Squatcfies communicate with each
other by beating on trees with wood,
the team also carries big sticks at
night to hammer away on trees like
oversized pileated woodpeckers.
Sometimes they believe they hear a
response and one will say, "That was
a Squatch."
I watched a few minutes of a
recent episode in which Ms. Ra-
nae attempted her first Bigfoot call.
"Yooohooo!" she yelled. "Oh, wait
a minute, what was that? Did you
hear that?" She thought she heard a
response,' plus she thought she saw
some glowing eyes at the other end
of her flashlight beam. Now, she said
she's not so sure there isn't some-
thing out there. Yeah, no kidding.
Maybe one of the producers?
I read about one scene where
the team spotted a Bigfoot-like crea-
ture on a hillside (the camera show-
ing its typical grainy footage) and
Moneymaker ran up the hill after it.
He even admitted it was someone
sneaking around trying to watch the
production in progress.
"I said so repeatedly and vehe-
mently at the time, for the cameras,
but they edited out all of that in order
to make it seem unclear what I was
chasing after," he said.
Since the team can't produce a
real live Bigfoot in the good 'ol U.S.
of A, they're expanding their inves-
tigations to Canada, Australia and
Indonesia. Australia has its "yow-
ies" and Indonesia has its "orang-
pendeks."
Sasquatch sightings have been
reported in every state of the union
except Hawaii. What's the matter,
don't Hawaiians have any imagina-
tion, or at least a sense of humor?
In one episode the team travels
to Rhode Island where they deter-
mine there are lots of unexplored ar-
eas with a wealth of Squatch activity.
Come on now, really? Have they nev-
er taken a geography class? Do they
understand the size of Rhode Island?
The four of them can hold hands and
touch its borders. If they can't corner
an elusive Bigfoot in Rhode Island,
there's something wrong.
I'm sure there are lots of people-
out there having some fun with go-
rilla suits. And where are all those
Planet of the Apes outfits? I always
thought about getting hold of one of
those suits and going to an isolated
forest road where log trucks are go-
ing by and run across in front of ne.
Then I reconsidered, thinking t at
there may also be a rifle or pi:tol
aboard.
The Bigfoot phenomenon ia't
just a recent thing. Pacific Cost
tribes speak of the Wild Man of
the Woods, Bukwas, Sasquatch md
Windigo. Every culture or society
needs a boogeyman. Even the hary,
big-footed Neanderthals had theirs.
"Now if you don't eat your
mammoth liver the hairless white
guy (or what they referred to as
Littlefoot) will come and snatch
from the cave in the night." Mmy
adults spoke of seeing Littlef~ot.
About 40,000 years ago there vas
some overlap between the Nean(er-
thals and Cro-Magnons so ma, be
the former did spot the latter, md
vice versa.
Some of the funniest things re-
lated to the show are comments on
"Quality is the Difference,i
I FRIDAY 8-6, SAT 9-6, SuN 9-5. I
I CROCKERSCARS.COM "
the Internet. Here are a few: have found Bigfoot scat multiple
"They need to get bloodhounds times, yet they have never collected
and get rid of Renee and get an unbi- samples to submit for DNA testing.
ased research biologist." That tells me right there that they are
"If a Bigfoot does exist, these full of scat themselves."
four idiots are the last individuals I've spent a lot of time in the out-
that are going to find one."doors in my life and have seen some
"The team is constantly making scary things such as bears, cougars,
random statements about the behav- angry hunters, a few Neanderthals
ior of Sasquatches as though they are and a few Cro-Magnons but nary a
well-established facts: 'Squatches Bigfoot. My search continues.
are attracted to women,' 'Squatches
are attracted to bacon,' 'Squatches Scott Staats is a full-time outdoor
are attracted to music'. If Bigfoot is writer who lives in Prineville.
attracted to women and bacon and Contact him by e-mail at news@
music, how come they aren't show- sweethornenews.com. Please put
ing up at NFL tailgate parties? .... For Scott Staats" on the subject
"The cast members claim to line.
"The Real Deal"
MOTORS
'Ik
